we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
