The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
