i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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