physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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