What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
