people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
