i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
