Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
