And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
