I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
