I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
