Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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