let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
