He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
