i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
