and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize