At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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