Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize