arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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