you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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