I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's blow job season.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
