thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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