if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
