somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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