Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize