worst night to have a conscience
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
