I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
