I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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