my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
