pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
