i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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