god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
