Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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