PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
