non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
