Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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