i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
