If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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