this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
