3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
