I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
