just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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