ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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