drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
