So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
