I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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