so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
