I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
