she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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