Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
