It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sobbing to NWA
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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