is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
