Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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