Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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