He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
