I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
