If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
