so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
