im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
