I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
