Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
