some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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