where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Small penises have feelings too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm both gender and math confused
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
