I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
