dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
