a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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